Today we take a page out of the Charlotte York Book of Life, circa season 3, episode 7, entitled “Drama Queens.” In this Sex and the City chapter, Ms. York (now Goldenblatt) adopts a strategic plan to comb through New York City’s male population in search for the latest Prince Charming. York approaches her objective primarily through leveraging her network, a concept practiced frequently among the career minded and employment deprived. Despite Ms. York’s methodology, however, her attempts prove to be unsuccessful; leading her to be the recipient on an unwelcome declaration of love, and a literal stumble upon her soon to be first husband whose flaccid tendencies form roots in what will eventually become a pain-riddled divorce.
Ms. York’s strategy, while well intentioned, was misaligned from her desired acquisition. Such misalignment as is found in Ms. York’s strategy is regarded among industry experts as a classic blunder in misinterpretation of environmental perceptions. In an effort to analyze the effectiveness of Ms. York’s approach, we have performed a case study examining four twenty-something single women in the budding metropolis of Sacramento, California. We uncover the true nature of the industry in which they compete – said industry being none other than the Sacramento Singles Scene (SSS). Through critical analysis of the four women’s strategic positioning within the market, we have compiled a set of recommendations for creating a competitive advantage within the SSS and ultimately for achieving the chief goal for SSS competitors; acquisition of a male counterpart and departure from market competition.
Our four subjects have positioned themselves well within SSS and combined have over 40 years of industry experience. We will henceforth refer to this harem as Jonah, Inc., a partnership established in September 2009 upon our subjects’ first mutual encounters within the daunting classroom walls of their first three of what would become hundreds of hours of graduate education. Jonah, Inc.’s strategy is to acquire male counterparts whom fit each partner’s desired metrics through tactical leverage of her own competitive advantage.
A careful look at Michael Porter’s “Five Competitive Forces That Shape Strategy” most certainly could have improved York’s chances for success in her acquisition, and as such will be the primary framework for the examination of the SSS industry and Jonah, Inc’s strategic position within it.
Threat of Entrants
High industry turnover is of great concern for SSS. Most threatening in particular to Jonah, Inc. is the small-brained-large-breasted-floozie-skankasaur about whom the typical male fantasizes. Specific examples of small-brained-large-breasted-floozie-skankasaurs include Jessica Simpson pre-Nick Lachey, Paris Hilton post sex-tape, Lindsey Lohan pre-prison-term and this Kim Kardashian character, pre-Keeping Up. (Reference here must be made to “keeping up,” for which I’m sure for some males, she’s certainly a big help). Threat of entry of the small-brained-large-breasted-floozie-skankasaur (who will henceforth be referred to as a hobag) and similar types is significant primarily due to the lack of barriers to entry to which she faces. Barriers are minimal, at best. Hobags can enter the SSS industry with a quick breakup, a sign of a local lease, an eighteenth birthday, or myriad whims. The insignificance of barriers to entry are of concern to Jonah, Inc. as its principal partners battle the foes of the latter twenties, some of which take the form of slowing metabolisms, crows feet, cynicism, and multiple feline attainment. As skankasaurs continue to enter the market, Jonah will find itself forced to adopt the practices, strategies, and general hobagologies of its new competitors, in an “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” style. Such adaptation may necessitate resemblance to those practices perfected by Cougar, LLC., an aging company forced resort to liposuction, botox, and breast augmentation as levelers on a playing field designed for a younger competitor.
Power of Buyers
Of all of Porter’s forces, this one definitely has the gravest effect on the achievement of Jonah’s strategic goals. The buyer, here, is the aforementioned male counterpart (MC) whose acquisition is the company’s strategy in and of itself. Male counterpart acquisitions come few and far between for Jonah, as MCs are frequently victimized by the freshly manicured claws of the small-brained-large-breasted-floozie-skankasaur mentioned previously. It should be no surprise that if the MCs aren’t buying Jonah’s product, then its strategy, although well intentioned, is neither achieving the primary goals of the company, nor is it executing well. As the graph below indicates, Jonah’s strategy execution has wavered throughout the last calendar year.
Power of Suppliers
The power of the supplier in the SSS industry is much debated. The supplier in this industry is the firm’s own human capital. Popular culture and industry experts’ analyses of human capital power are largely exaggerated, stating that it is in fact the supplier who holds the power in the business of MC acquisition. If this is the case, then Jonah, Inc. is in need of a deliberate directional change in strategy, which may resort to taking the form of small-brained-large-breasted-floozie-skankasaur hobagology practice mimicry. Other options include web-based matching services, relocation, strategic network diversity expansion, acquisition metric re-evaluation, and convent-entry.
Threat of Substitutes
The threat of substitutes is negligible, as there are few legal substitutes to the product in discussion. More threatening are both the MC’s departure from and inactivity within the market due to fear, laziness, pornography addiction, and preference to allocate more time chill with his bros with some beers and a lighter for igniting each of their respective flatulence.
Rivalry Among Existing Competitors
As previously discussed, the SSS industry is characterized by brutal competitors, many of which have little regard for neither ethics nor conventional methods of MC acquisition. Beyond the concern of entry of the hobag is the static existence of the everyday serial-MC thieving slut-faced-walk-of-shame-sloretart. Sloretart market presence threatens Jonah’s strategy, as they set their product offering prices at low rates with which Jonah refuses to compete. Frequently influenced by a concoction containing three parts Vodka and one part low self esteem, the sloretart will lower her market price to an empty-compliment or a last-call Bud Light. While Jonah’s starting rates remain much higher than those of the sloretart (generally floating at a unique combination of several dinners and prolonged textual and social media communication) , the quality and integrity of the product is significantly higher. However, many buyers have high negotiating leverage due to their attitude toward discount market prices; which indicates that Jonah’s prices may in fact be the nail in the figurative coffin of spinsterdom.
Key Takeaways
Critical evaluation of Jonah’s pricing policy and general strategy indicates that a lower price threshold is the easiest way to place itself within direct competition with both the hobag and the sloretart. However, to do so would be to compromise the mission, vision, and values upon which the firm was founded. It remains to be seen which strategy Jonah will adopt in the near future, but it is abundantly clear that such a change is necessary in order to improve success in MC Acquisition within the SSS.
Message from the author: This post is dedicated to Partners 1, 2, and 3 of Jonah, Inc. – Three fabulous women whose support, friendship, humor, generosity, and Dougie workshops are invaluable, yet worth their weight in gold. Clap.
