I didn't get the memo that it has become acceptable to treat the University library like a locale for catching up on weekend stories.
I'm currently sitting in the Shields Library in a desperate attempt to get some peace and quiet while I study for the monster of a statistics exam I have later this week. I had hoped that with an evening at Shields, I could avoid the temptation to watch the Olympic Closing ceremonies, which currently reside on my DVR queue. Also to be avoided were unnecessary snacks, my bed, superfluous trips to the Targ, and a bathroom counter that is just begging to be cleaned. Alas, despite having avoided all of those things, my laptop insisted on tagging along, and CheeseFriesRants would have been quite disgruntled had I decided to ignore this opportunity for a good rant. I shall succumb. Avoid sleep a little longer, and I guess cut into my LOST time before bed.
The chatty Cathys at the next table have no idea that in the past 20 minutes, while they gab away about a mutual friend's drunken escapades, they are being blogged, tweeted, and buzzed about by a disgruntled grad student a mere 8 feet away. Ahh, the cyber world: my outlet for passive aggressive ventings.
Apparently, these ladies have a friend who peed on her own car this weekend. And while I love a good drunken peeing story every bit as much as the next girl, there are times and places for everything. Let me tell you, Chatty McShutthecrapup, Shields Library is not the place for that. Nor is it the time. Go back to your sorostitute house, honey, and drown yourself in Arbor Mist. I have work to do. I swear, if I hear another "like" I'm going to launch my mechanical pencils right at your eyes and you'll die a slow death from wretched graphite poisoning. Or at least maybe I'll be lucky enough to break the cornea. Times like these are when I wish that they used real lead in pencils. Ahh, the good ol' days.
These ladies also all have the same haircut. Hazing must have recently taken the form of shoulder length hair with emo bangs. I am a bit jealous of the bag of M&Ms they have on their table. I want to commandeer them in the name of the fact that they look yummy, and God knows these beezies don't need any more sugar. They're bouncing off the walls already. Shouldn't they be home in bed?
I am currently searching for ways to shut them up without having to actually walk over there and play the role of bitchy grad student. While I fully recognize that this is a role I fit quite well, I am more a fan of the subtle hint.
I think they think that because I have headphones on, that I can't hear them. No, kids. I can hear you over my Josh Groban. Hell, I could have death metal blaring in my ears, and I would still be able to hear their screeching echoing through.
I tried the raised eyebrow technique. Ineffective. I combined the raised eyebrow with a touch of eye contact. Nothing. Dare I include a clearing of the throat? Ah! I got some attention this time. Added a rolling of the eyes. That should do it.
Nope.
Let's face it. I'm 5'1.25". I cannot be intimidating.
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em? I do hope that my loud typing breaks their concentration. I'll fight fire with fire. An eye for an eye, you little squirts. Babylon reigns.
When I was in college, we respected the quiet rule in libraries. I am currently experiencing evidence of the downfall of the American youth. These are the future leaders of our country. Where to go from here? I think I'll cryogenically freeze myself tomorrow and only thaw out when science has discovered how to eliminate the gene that causes the existence of annoying ass people. Life would be so much easier that way. Imagine: no library talkers, no more always-asks-stupid-questions-in-class-people, no go-45-in-the-fast-lane-people, no more vegans that go to steakhouses and expect a tofurkey burger. Thomas More had something right: Utopia -- but my Utopia is slightly different than Tom's. Just get rid of the annoying people. And you can start right here:
