Crap.
Since apparently, the real world is not working out for me, I have decided to explore my options within the cartoon world. Perhaps my 2010 search for a male counterpart has been too narrow. I have performed a deep analysis of my standards and I have decided that the first requirement to go is the mandatory 3-dimensional state.
I have outlined below my list of suitors.
Bachelor #1: Mr. Opportunity
What's not to like? He's got a good job in marketing for one of the world's largest automobile manufacturers. He's a nice dresser and has a full head of hair. He appears to have a decent sense of humor, and my hope is that he likes good wine and sushi. I'm sure his connections could afford me with a 2011 CRV, and if I'm lucky, I could probably get butt warmers in the seats.
What can I say, the MBA has taught me to leverage my network.
Bachelor #2: Prince Eric
He has a boat, and a chef that specializes in seafood cuisine. He's a dog lover, and a philanthropist. He loves to fish and go out on the town. Did I mention that he's a prince and lives in a castle?
Bachelor #3: Clark Kent
He works two jobs, and still manages to maintain a pretty slammin' bod. He has a passion for crime reduction, and he knows the value of a tailored suit. Also, he can fly.
Bachelor #4: Buzz Lightyear
He's in aerospace and is revered among his peers. While he does have a slightly inflated ego, Mr. Lightyear has a good heart and will save the galaxy at all costs. He also flies.
Wish me luck as I narrow this list and choose this New Year's Eve winner. The lucky gentleman will receive a commemorative coin featuring my face beside a lovely scene of fireworks atop the vast Sacramento cityscape.
Perhaps next year I can count on meeting some eligible 3-dimensional options, but for now, I think I'll stick to an animated selection. Think of the benefits:
- Lack of body odor
- They literally have a mute button
- They don't fart
I think I've made my case.
