I think we got enough rain yesterday to drown Michael Phelps.
And that makes me very angry.
Why?
El Nino.
El Nino is the redheaded stepchild of the Meteorological Phenomenon family. Mr. and Mrs. Meteorological Phenomenon should make him live in a closet under the stairs and serve him a diet of lima beans, unripe avocados, and Odoul's. Or give him up for adoption.
I hate El Nino because he is a giant tease. We have all this rain, and are my mountains getting any snow? NO! It's 45 degrees at the base of Alpine Meadows, and the storm snow total thus far is a whopping ZERO inches. That is one big load of BS. The moment I heard the forecast for a "storm," my Pavlovian ski instincts kicked in. My nose got cold, my quads got sore, and my vocabulary expanded to include ski bum words like "wicked," "sick," and "gnarley." And then someone reminded me that it's supposed to be an El Nino year. I know it's wrong to shoot the messenger, but I wanted to crop dust that person at that very moment. I HATE El Nino! All this precipitation, and not a flake of snow. I had a dream last night where my poor skis and snowboard were alive, and they were whining like puppies at the window, wanting so badly to go outside and play, and I had to play the bad guy and tell them that it's still too early and too warm to go outside and play. It was heartbreaking.
I've been listening to Dean Martin's "Let It Snow" on loop for a few days now to do my part to ward off the warm weather. If the powers of Deano can't bring me snow, what can?
Alpine Meadows opens in 52 days, and I don't think I can make it that long. It's going to be a warm winter, folks. Our powder is going to be wet and heavy. The trees are going to drip drip drip all season. I'm going to resign to the fact that the seat of my pants will pretty much be soaking wet from December 5th until April 1st.
Maybe I'll treat El Nino as an excuse to buy new ski pants. And while we're on the subject of ski-clothing....what's up with the people that wear waterproof jackets inside? Those people annoy me. What are you scared of? YOU'RE INSIDE. It's not going to rain on you unless you live in a hut with a thatched roof. And if that's the case, then sell your stupid jacked and use the money to buy a real roof, dumbass. My only thought is that these people are afraid that the ceiling fire putter-outter sprinkler things (this is a technical term) are going to go off at any given moment. Um, I've got news for you, inside jacket wearer people. Your time could be better spent just making sure that the building doesn't set on fire.
Moral of the story? El Nino is weak sauce, and I want to ski NOW!
Oh, and while they're giving out Nobel Prizes like candy, where's mine? I went #2 in the big girl potty yesterday, I think that deserves a time-honored, globally respected award.
