I have decided that I need to rant about Rob Roy.
If you're not familiar with Davis, you might not get this one.
Seriously, WTF is with this dude? He thinks he's all that and a bag of chips. But really, the chips inside this bag of douche are some dollar store off-brand stale, mealy bits and pieces of potato fodder trying to pass themselves off as chips with "all that" seasoning. Rob Roy is not a tasty snack. Rather, he's a giant disappointment that leaves you unsatisfied and thirsty.
I've never met Rob Roy, but I see him at bars. He wears old man hats. He's one of those guys that thinks vintage tuxedo vests are awesome. No no, Rob Roy, they make you look like a douche. At least he dresses the part. When I look at Rob Roy, I think of Jughead from the Archie Comics series.
The self proclaimed "Party King of Davis" has been known to drink his own urine. Well, he mixed it with beer, but in my world drinking pee is drinking pee. I don't care if you mix it with beer, wine, tequila, holy grail juice, or water from the freakin' fountain of youth. It's still pee. And rumor has it that he has also lit his "area" on fire, just for fun. Talk about a need for attention! Gross. I'm afraid to drink in bars now because I know that the glass I'm drinking out of was possibly once also drunk out of by the guy that drank his own pee. You're not the party king of Davis, buddy. You're a weirdo. Graduate, Van Wilder. And by the way, you're not nearly as cool. And you're nowhere near as attractive as Mr. Ryan Reynolds. [Google image search break.....siiigh]
What really grinds my gears is that Rob Roy has run for Davis City Council 2 times. Thanks to the common sense of Davis voters, he's lost both of those times. This dude makes a mockery of political campaigning. You can't expect to spend $250 on a political campaign and actually win. Rob Roy, your cardboard and spraypaint stenciled signs make you look homeless. "Vote for Rob Roy, he'll sit on the corner all day and ask you for money and then instead of putting it toward the city budget, he'll spend it on beer."
I'm a passionate person, I really am. Don't judge.
Rob Roy has worked at Ben & Jerry's for as long as I can remember. The dude scoops ice cream for a living. Not to say that scooping ice cream isn't a respectable profession, it is. I like ice cream, and I especially like when it's scooped. But I don't want my city government being run by a dude that rolls frozen dairy products into balls and dribbles sauce on them for a living. Oh, wait, sometimes there are whipped cream and nuts involved. That really complicates things. And it really prepares you for locally elected public office.
And while we're on the subject of Ben & Jerry's, I'm still flaming mad at PETA for the human breast milk idea. See Rant #1.
Thank you, Davis voters, for not letting this imbecile into elected office. I'm not registered in Davis. I refuse to belong to the voting constituency that is the People's Republic of Davis. I like Target, I don't bring my own bags to the grocery store, I drive an SUV, and I recycle only when convenient. That said, because I did not vote in the Davis City Council elections, I really have no say in whether this dude is elected to office or not. But seriously, Davis, BRAVO. You've done a lot of crazy things, like building a tunnel for the frogs, and refusing to just build the long awaited Trader Joe's, but choosing to give Rob Roy the shaft was not one of those things.
Let's drive him out. I wish exile were still an appropriate form of punishment.
The crime?
Douchebaggery and tuxedo vests.
